My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
