They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
