i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I came so hard my ears popped.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
