Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
