I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
