Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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