sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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