I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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