and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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