Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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