My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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