Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
