He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
