I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
