She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
These tits shall not be calmed
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