Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
