Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize