Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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