Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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