Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
