So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
