I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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