Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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