saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
