Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
