his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
