her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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