hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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