don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
