If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
