your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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