how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
