I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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