dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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