tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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