I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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