I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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