So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
