All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
