highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
