I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
