Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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