He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
