On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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