Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
