waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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