Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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