Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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