I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
