He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
