Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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