I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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