Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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