My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
