Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
