every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
