My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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