sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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