i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
