Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
