my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Pooping to opera.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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