i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
