Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
