So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
