i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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