Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
