ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
