so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
