yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
